Gaywatch: Fall TV Report Card
By Tim Parks
Well, the Fall TV season is in full swing and some of the shows have already been strung up in a hangman’s noose, but they haven’t left viewers twisting in the wind about their ability to hold us enraptured. It has truly been a case of survival of the fittest, and some series have been gone in the blink of an eye.
Almost as fast as Kim Kardashian’s and Kris Humphries’ marriage – it’s a good thing you didn’t change your surname name, gurl. Hopefully, E! can stopped rerunning its favorite four-hour time-killer special about Kim’s “Fairytale Wedding.” Oh, really? Well, she did marry a slow-on-the-draw giant, who will also be featured on the upcoming Kourtney and Kim Take New York that airs in November…awkward!
Which was also the case concerning the “Charlie’s Angels” reboot, it was just a big steaming pile of brown expletive and not something one would want to cop to watching… or to kick it old school and quote Blaine Edwards (Damon Wayans) and Antoine Merriweather (David Alan Grier) of the “Men On” sketches on “In Living Color”…“Hated it!” Hey wait, I am not too far off the mark with my usage of said saying, as Fox is planning on bringing the sketch comedy show back for two mid-season specials. So there, and you’re welcome!
Wow, this intro could serve as a “The More You Know” PSA! Speaking of being in the know, perhaps you’ll find a show that, ahem, makes the grade to claim as a newfound favorite, if it isn’t already.
Girls, Girls, Girls
Fox’s “New Girl” stars Zooey Deschanel (bless you) as the titular estrogen-based life form, who moves in with three guys she meets on craigslist after a bad breakup. Hmm, sounds like somebody may have been a gay man in a previous life.
As Jess, Deschanel puts the q in…quirky – what did you think I was gonna say? – and offers viewers a sort of modern day “Mary Tyler Moore Show.” Albeit she doesn’t have to make on her own, as she has the aforementioned roomies played by Jake M. Johnson, Lamorne Morris and Max Greenfield – who has played gay in previous roles on “Greek” and “Happy Endings,” and is playing it straight here, often times shirtless…now, where was I?
And these boys have a locker room-esque bathroom, which kinda resembles a bathhouse bathroom, which I heard about from “other kids.” Oh, and she has a sassy best friend in Hannah Simone’s CeCe character. I’ll let them hash out as to who’s the Mary and who’s the Rhoda, much like Romy and Michele did for their High School Reunion, ok?
Grade: A, as in A good time had by All. Get it? Because it’s receiving an A…yeah, jokes aren’t funny when you have to explain them.
“2 Broke Girls” has the gay street credibility of having Michael Patrick King as one of its creators on its side. You may be familiar with his name as being the executive producer and writer and director of “Sex and the City” in its small and big screen incarnations. So, if you aren’t still mad at him for the sequel, you can check out the under funded twosome on CBS.
The two leads (Kat Dennings and Beth Behrs) are trying to make ends meet by being waitresses and sharing an apartment together. So, it’s a pretty safe bet that our Sapphic sisters are tuning in to see the old sitcom standby of, “Will they or won’t they?” And, I’ll bet many a gay man has been certain that Behrs’ character is named Carol Channing, as opposed to Caroline Channing. We hear what we want to hear, apparently.
Grade: C, for Coolidge. No, that’s not the latest urban-type slang word meaning “great,” it is to be used in the context of actress Jennifer Coolidge (Best in Show, Legally Blonde and American Pie)…actually great would apply to this hilarious comedienne, which should translate well to her recurring role as Sophie, a neighbor of the broke ass ladies.
Three of my absolute new favorite shows, “Ringer,” “Revenge” and “American Horror Story” on The CW, ABC and FX respectively, makes me wonder if they will get beyond their first season premises and avoid the pitfalls of this quote from 1986’s Stand By Me: “’Wagon Train’s’ a really cool show, but do you ever notice they don’t really get anywhere? They just keep wagon-training.” Word, and “AHS” has already been picked up for a second season.
I really hope that Emily Thorne (Emily VanCamp) and her quest to seek “Revenge” – oh, now I get it – on Madeline Stowe’s Victoria Grayson and her TV husband Conrad (AKA Henry Czerny – geez, these actors last names really get my allergies going) and everyone in their Hamptons circle can make for an equally intriguing second season.
Grade B: B is for Boys, as this show has a lot of cute ones on it, including: Connor Paolo, Nick Weschler, Ashton Holmes and especially Joshua Bowman as Daniel Grayson. Apparently revenge is a dish best served hot, mmmkay.
While “Ringer” doesn’t have the guy quotient going for it, the series does feature gay fave Sarah Michelle Gellar and a former cast mate from “Lost” (Nestor Carbonell) that has a penchant for guy liner. It also features Gellar as twins, and her Bridget Kelly character has taken on more than her fair share of covering the fact that her sister Siobhan has “committed suicide” during a “boat ride.” Those who have seen the pilot know what I mean. Grade: A for its ability to temporarily make me suspend my belief.
No, I will not be applauding the creative efforts (and badly done execution) of ABC’s “Once Upon A Time,” or that other fairy tale show “Grimm” on NBC, as they would receive a D. Nope, that’s not for dandy, but for didn’t grab my interest enough.
However, there is a very well done, and very scary addition to my already jam packed viewing schedule in “American Horror Story.” And that would be “Glee” creators Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk’s latest foray into turning the TV set on their collective heads.
Albeit, it’s much more frightening than their musical comedy’s undying love for all things show tunes this season – I’m gay, but not that gay – and it delivers on its MA content being rightfully deserved. It’s almost like a hybrid of “The X-Files” meets “Twin Peaks,” but stands on its own merit in its depiction of The Murder House and its haunting history.
And good for Jessica Lange, who plays the very odd neighbor Constance, for not having plastic surgery and aging naturally. She’s no Jo-Jo-Joker Face, to paraphrase Lady Gaga. I have loved this particular actress ever since I saw her in 1976’s King Kong. What do you want, I was 7!
Cut. Print. That’s a Wrap!
Phew, those endless hours spent ruining my eyes have hopefully paid off in informing you of what shows you should be watching. How I suffer for my art. And, yes, I took some liberties in my grading curve, as I would term these shows as prime grade A television. Hey, I forgot another good one “Suburgatory” on ABC, so check it out. Until next time, that’s all of the news that’s fit to print.