By Tim Parks

So, we’ve taken a hard look – sponsored in part by Viagra – in the first two installments regarding 2012’s TV shows and movies. But, this year’s musical resolutions aren’t a case of the first Gilligan’s Island theme song, in which I’m presenting an “and the rest” type of scenario.

Simply put, it’s time to put your listening ears on, which will be necessary in order to hear CDs from some old musical friends. That’s certainly not a swipe at Madonna’s upcoming endeavor, which kicks off Part 3 in 3D…

Music to My Queer Ears

I’ve actually heard the demo for “Gimme All Your Luvin’,” the first single from Madonna’s as-yet-titled 12th studio album, which I am hoping will round out the Like A oeuvre she has yet to finish; Like A Pickle has a ring to it. Getting back to her sounded vaguely like “Hollaback Girl” new song… Nicki Minaj is providing a vocal assist (boom, boomda, boom, badoom, boom bass) on the track.

According to the world wide Interweb, Mo planted a kiss on Nicki on the set of the single’s video, but not on rapper M.I.A., who was also enlisted for the track. Guess Madonna wasn’t in the mood for a Minaj a Trois…add your own, ahem, rim shot.

Her Ray of Light producer William Orbit will be doing most of the heavy lifting on production (duh) on the first of a three-record deal with Interscope that netted her a cool $40 million. Oh, and she’s playing at something called The Super Bowl on February 5. (March)

Adam Lambert has titled his new CD Trespassing – hey, a person could get arrested for that! Oops, surely a sore subject for the second place American Idol alum, following an arrest for a bar fight with his boyfriend in Finland.

This never would have happened to Kris Allen! Well, it could have, but then again has anyone seen or, more appropriately, heard from him, lately? Anyone. Anyone? Bueller. Bueller.

The first single, “Better Than I Know Myself,” is said to be along the lines of a ballad that Celine Dion would record. Hmm, that’s queer. (March 20)

Rufus Wainwright gets “manly” (’sup bro?) on his forthcoming album, produced by Mark Ronson. Oh really? Then why did you name it Out of the Game, it’s certainly not some sports reference about a tight end who misses the basket with his puck. Sounds more like my own days playing sports and the position I played in Little League. Sad face. Sniffle. Well, stereotypes do have to come from somewhere. (May)

TBA

There are a slew of artists due out with new material in the coming year, but no firm date, including Scissor Sisters untitled project. It is said to be more like their self-titled introduction, circa 2004, and its 2006 follow up Ta-Dah. Hold up, what about 2010’s Night Work? Oh, they want to replicate albums that weren’t terrible, got it!

With the possible casting of Taylor Swift as Éponine in the movie adaptation of Les Misérables making groups of angry Village People ready to riot with torches flaming on, her reported new CD may be a difficult sell to our kind. For those not incensed by this casting rumor, the CD is scheduled to drop in the fourth quarter…isn’t that, like, in February? It’s hard to be pretty and smart, so I’ll just stick with being pretty.

Are you ladies sitting down? Supposedly Cher is coming out with a new CD entitled Long Overdue. Well it’s not called that, but it should be – if I could turn back time I would find a way to make her get back into the studio sooner. Oh, and she has recorded a new single “You Are The Greatest Thing To Me” that was written by someone named Lady Gaga – she kinda rings a bell – and may end up being a duet. Do you need a paper bag to hyperventilate into? Just put your head between your knees… hey! Those are mine, quit that! A little more to the left.

 Have you ever tried working with your ex after the relationship has long since soured? Well, Boy George thinks it’s a good idea to reunite with Jon Moss, and the rest of the boys from Culture Club, on a new CD and it would be great if they have a major comeback. No comment.

Also keep an eye out for full releases on the horizon from Leona Lewis, Diana Ross and Christina Aguilera – if she can get out of the Hometown Buffet on her own volition. Girl, I’d ask if you’ve called Jenny, but I think we all know the answer to that.

Cut. Print. That’s A Wrap!

So there ya have it and release dates are obviously subject to change, there may be some assembly required, you may have rinse and repeat if necessary, and offer may not be valid in some Red States. The long and short of it? Don’t come crying to me if a CD ends up coming out later rather than sooner, k? You won’t like me when I’m angry. Tim smash! Until next time, that’s all of the news that’s fit to print.

By Tim Parks

In the early 90’s, En Vogue burst onto the music scene with “Hold On,” then came the album, Funky Divas, and En Vogue exploded, setting the bar high with both a sultry prowess, matched by exceptional vocal talents. Armed with a cache of in your face pop tunes, such as “My Lovin’ (You’re Never Gonna Get It), “Giving Him Something He Can Feel.” “Free Your Mind,” “Whatta Man (featuring Salt-N-Pepa),” and “Don’t Let Go (Love),” the quartet set out to live up to their diva moniker.

Although the group went from a quartet to a trio, when original member Dawn Robinson left in 1997 to pursue solo efforts; the remaining members held on, weathering other changes in the lineup and they are continue to strut out onto stage; where you know there will be some ‘heartbreakin,’ ‘some soul shakin,’

I spoke via phone with the group, now a trio consisting of two original members, Terry Ellis, Maxine Jones and Rhona Bennett, who has been with the group since 2003. And, let me tell you this, there are no diva hang ups with these ladies; they were gracious, honest and fun to chat with.

TPMH: How did the group initially form?

Terry Ellis: The group officially formed in 1989, the producers Foster/McElroy brought us all together, and we all showed up on the same day at the audition.

TPMH: What is it like to have a strong gay fan base?

Maxine Jones: It’s awesome, it’s totally awesome. It’s great to have a gay fan base. Also, all of our, the crew that puts us together, is mostly gay. So, we’ve learned so much and we are who we are, I’d would like to say, just as far as, like, our look and part of being on the cutting edge of fashion that we were known for; it’s definitely because of the people who were around us.

And, we’ve had some really awesome, awesome, awesome talented people. Yeah, we learned a lot…

Rhona Bennett: Tuck it in! Tuck it in! (Laughing)

TE: …Everything, walking, make-up, wardrobe, everything that En Vogue was about.

TPMH: When Dawn left the group in 1997-how difficult of a decision was it to continue on as a trio?

MJ: It was very difficult, because we were put together as a foursome, you know, and there was a magic to that particular formula. It felt, I can honestly say for each of us at the very moment we had to make that choice, it was, like ‘Wow, how can we do this?’

The first performance without her was, like, oh we did it. We were able to pull it off after all these years, there’s still a little spot there (gentle laughter), that is definitely missing when she’s not around, if any of us are not there.

TPMH: What does the term ‘funky diva’ mean to each of you?

TE: When we all came up with that name, us and our producers, originally we were, the girls, felt really leery because ‘diva’ had such a negative connotation.

And so, I think each one of us had a moment with that name. And I know for me, I looked it up in the dictionary and when I saw what Webster’s said it meant, which is a lead vocalist in theatre; I thought, ‘well, you know, this particular record, the music is funkier this time around and we all sing lead, and I think it’s appropriate.’

So, I found a way to justify it…it was very hard for us to live up to in the gay community, it being a very high, high thing. So, it’s like, ‘oh my God,’ so we had to deliver!

MJ: We had plenty of help to be ‘divas’ and live up to that word. And just for me the same, like Terry said, we all felt leery about that word, because it means the same thing to everybody. When you say ‘diva,’ you know you think of people like Diahann Carroll, Lena Horne-real divas.

RB: Shoot, can I just say ditto? (laughing)

TPMH: What can audiences expect from seeing you in concert?

TE: Oh lots of high energy, this particular version has a lot of energy…We’re looking forward to it, too. It’s going to be a lot of fun!

TPMH: What’s on the horizon for En Vogue?

MJ: We are looking for music, right now, to possibly do a reunion album with the original members. And also, doing spot dates, of course, with Rhona as well in the future and original members. And, you know, just kind of keeping the energy going, reuniting and reconnecting with our fan base and putting out great music.

By Tim Parks

Hello dear readers and fan, we last left off on Part One of this exciting look – well, it is for me, so there – at how to have a steely resolve in an entertainment sense for next year. So, why the multi-part approach to TV, movies and, spoiler, music?

It’s just that 2012 had to be broken down. You know, like Kirstie Alley at a Krispy Kreme promising herself to just look at the glazed doughnuts. Mmm, glazed doughnuts.

And we’re back on target…

OK, stop me if you’ve heard this one before…the upcoming year’s movie calendar is comprised of a good majority of superhero movies during the summer. I told you to stop me! Since you didn’t, I won’t address them right now; oh you got served!

Please to enjoy a looksie at what 2012 has in store for you.

Schwing Dancing

First and foremost, all you really need to know about what will get your butts into your local Cineplex’s seats are two words: Magic Mike. Here’s six more: Joe Manganiello as Big Dick Richie. You may know him better as True Blood’s studly werewolf Alcide and he may be appearing full frontal…now where is my train of thought? Oh, it got derailed by a visual and the hope that no prosthetic penis will be used ala Boogie Nights, even though Marky Mark is involved in the project.

Oh, you want to know what the movie is about. Where are my manners? This no-sex-in-the-champagne-room tale about male strippers also stars Channing Tatum in a life-imitating-art-imitating-life role – yes, he was a shake your moneymaker back at 19 – as he takes a younger dancer (Alex Pettyfer) under his thong, umm, wing. But, wait there’s more, if you act now we’ll also thrown in Adam Rodriguez (Ugly Betty and CSI: Miami) as a fellow stripper. Rodriguez turned down a role in The Dark Knight Rises because it conflicted with him getting a cinematic rise of an altogether different nature.

Oh yeah, Matthew McConaughey is on board, but not as a bump and grinder, since his T-rex arms couldn’t pick up any dollars showered upon him if the ladies make it rain. If you need me, I’ll be in line pitching a tent – I mean…no, pitching a tent pretty much covers it – in front of a local theater. June 29.

Reel Life

There is absolutely nothing funny about the subject of bullying and its effects on those being subjected to it, whether its individuals or a community as whole, so please go see The Bully Project. We now return to Gaywatch already in progress. March 9.

Diva Watch

Since Hollywood has mandated that Madonna is no longer allowed to appear on the big screen, for evidence please refer to any movie she was in except Desperately Seeking Susan, Dick Tracy, Truth Or Dare, A League Of Their Own and Evita; so what’s a Material Girl to do?

For the answer, check out her writing and directing on W.E., which has garnered the Queen of Pop’s look at King Edward VIII’s romance with American Wallis Simpson   two Golden Globe noms, including Best Original Song for her song “Masterpiece” that plays at the end credits.

However, said track for the film’s soundtrack is rumored to not be in the running for possible Best Song inclusion come Oscar time, as they don’t go for the back door approach, meaning that in order to be eligible a song should play in the beginning of the film. February 3.

It looks like two women who achieved #1 status with “I Will Always Love You” are making a return to the big screen after a many years absence. If you guessed it was Gloria Estefan and Britney Spears, you are not only sorely mistaken, but need to turn in your gay card, stat!

First up is Dolly Parton joining Queen “I Haven’t Met the Right Man” Latifah for Joyful Noise, which is not a long form infomercial for Beano and its ability to make one not-so-flatulent.

Rather it’s an “Ebony and Ivory” type of story in which a black girl (Keke Palmer) and a white boy (Jeremy Jordan) get along in perfect harmony, as they join musical forces to possibly win a national choir competition. I really hope Dolly is playing the boy’s Auntie or Grandma and not his mother…talk about a late-in-life kid. January 13

Seeing as Whitney Houston has gotten her act together – cough, cough sure she has – it’s a perfect time to get her acting out of rehab, err, moth balls and return to the Silver Screen for the first time since 1996’s The Preacher’s Wife.

Wow that is a long stretch between roles; 16 years to be exact. Hopefully there wasn’t anything personal going on in between her role as Julia and her upcoming one as Emma in Sparkle.

Well, there was a slight professional detour because crack was as wack as she let on that it was; and Sparkle’s plot involves a trio of sisters in a successful singing group and their subsequent dealings with fame and – wait for it – drugs. This potential celluloid comeback could spell O-S-C-A-R as ole Whit Whit could bring a lot to the role, and she’s really done her research. Then again, it could be a flop like Burlesque. August 10.

Cut. Print. That’s A Wrap!     

Well, there are some 2012 film offerings that will have a certain gay Wessonality, oiling us up and easing us into the New Year with the promises of what’s to come. You really can’t take me anywhere. Until next time, that’s all of the news that’s fit to print.

By Tim Parks

Every year when the New Year begins to loom large on the final calendar page for its respective year – this one being 2011, in case you haven’t been keeping track and get it together if you haven’t, jeez – everyone is all about losing weight, exercising more, quitting their respective vices and resolving to make the upcoming year the one that will be the best ever.

Sometimes the resolutions stick like the floor of a “movie theater,” while others slide off faster than a greased up stripper falling off his or her pole.

But fear not, there is an easy way to make the most out of 2012, if only in an entertaining way, and that’s by salivating over some new TV shows. So get your Wet Naps at the ready as we look at what is coming up in the immediate future and a little bit beyond.

I Wouldn’t Drink If You Didn’t Upset Me So Mush

OK Ab Fab fans get your Bolly boners ready – it’s ok to say that when used in a sentence as in Patsy and Edina’s return to TV gives me a boner of the champagne variety, now settle down – everyone’s favorite alkie-haulics are back, beeyatches. But, there is a catch to it – don’t cry, hush now – the Absolutely Fabulous 20th Anniversary Special is just that…special. 

Hold up, they announed there will be a total of 3 episodes total! Raise your glass in a toast, especially when it comes to Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley who will be celebrating, with champs and little nibbly things no doubt, a homecoming of one of the dynamically drunk duo who has a spooky new friend in tow.

Oh and Bubble(Jane Horrocks, hopefully the Horr is silent) stages her own version of something you might have heard of, this little event called the Royal Wedding. Unfortunately, their Christmas Special will not be airing in the US. Remember, I am just the messenger…stop throwing things at me, fruit bruises easily. Airing January 9 at 10 on BBC America…isn’t that an oxymoron?

Someone else that likes to get her swerve on, Chelsea Handler, is serving as the bartender, err, the executive producer on the from-the-page-to-the-soundstage version of NBC’s Are You There, Chelsea? That’s minus the Vodka and It’s Me from the memoir title, ok?

Since the filthy late night talk show hostess with the mostess is busy with her chit chatting on E!, Laura Prepon of That ’70s Show will portray Chelsea Newman…bet she’s glad she kept her hair dyed blonde. Newman, like her real-life counterpart, doesn’t curtail her libation intake after a DUI, she just avows to never drink and drive again. It’s called progress people! Oh, and Handler will be onscreen as the other Chelsea’s older sister Sloane – I’m cornfused…won’t this mess up the space/time continuum or something?

Plus, Prepon’s former ’70s costar, Wilmer Valderrama, will guest star on a future episode, talk about a, um, coup? Hey, if her other former co-star, Ashton Kutcher, can make a successful TV comeback…oh wait, that was only for a few weeks. Wednesdays at 8:30, starting on January 11.

G To The A To The Y

NBC’s Smash, which is pronounced with several more s’s sssister, doesn’t sound all that gay. Psyche! It’s a more mature take on Glee – hey that’s what’s been said about it, I love me some immature Glee – with Will & Grace’s Debra Messing (gay) about the staging of a Broadway musical based on Marilyn Monroe’s life (double gay). It also features Megan Hilty as the star of the show tune extravaganza, Katharine McPhee and Anjelica Huston as the latest big screen star to give the small screen a go. Begins on February 16 at 10.

Are you down with G.C.B.? Yeah, you know me. Word. But, what you may not know about this upcoming sitcom is that it had the acronym from its book source material of Good Christian Bitches, until it became Good Christian Belles. What did Rick Perry in his Brokeback Mountain jacket tell ABC that the title shouldn’t openly serve in primetime? Smooth move Ex-Lax.

Anyhoo, the skinny on this show is that it probably has more homo street cred than Perry would be comfortable with…look for his subsequent foot tapping arrest sometime in the future – it’s so hard to stop, just like eating potato chips, really self-hating Lays. OK, back on target. The series is produced by Darren Starr (Sex and the City), co-stars Annie Potts (Designing Women) and Kristin Chenoweth (Pretty much anything gay adjacent) in the TV tale of Amanda Vaughn AKA Leslie Bibb and her return to the gossipy fold of a Dallas suburb.

And then there’s David James Elliot’s ouch-inducing character of Ripp Cockburn, and a closeted married man named Blake Reilly…Must. Bite. Tongue. Starts on March 4.

Stuff and Thangs

One goal that is very attainable is to not watch Work It… a cross-dressing for the sake of employment “comedy”…didn’t they stop making crap like this in the ’80s? Hey, at least that decade’s similarly premised Bosom Buddies had Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari seeking housing as “women.”

This one stars Benjamin Koldyke – writes itself, really – as a not-so-passable lady person and does bring Prison Break papi Amaury Nolasco back to the small screen. I have a feeling it will be a short reunion, as the network only has two episodes in the can…just where it was created and belongs. Airs Tuesday January 3…you’ve been warned.

Are you missing Lost ? Sure, we all are! Then check out ABC’s The River and Fox’s Alcatraz starting on 1/16 and 2/7, as both are looking to fill that vacated slot.

Down the road, we have the Dallas reboot on TNT in the summer with the slurp-worthy Jesse Metcalf and Josh Henderson as Bobby and J.R. Ewing’s offspring, well, ride ’em cowboys! And Ricki “you-wuz-robbed-girl-on-Dancing With The Stars” Lake has a new talk show set to debut in September. Hopefully, it will be as trashy as her last one.

Cut. Print. That’s A Wrap!

See, there are scads of reasons to take a ladder and get over breaking those “other” resolutions. And these TV shows will not send you to the shame corner of your soul, begging forgiveness, unless you do happen to lay your peepers on Work It. Until next time, that’s all of the news that’s fit to print.

It’s that time of year again, when our attention turns to how homo-worthy some past yuletide specials have been. Well, at least mine does.
Yes, we have been made aware that if Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer, and his sidekick Hermie the Elf were super gay. Or that A Year Without a Santa Claus’ two brothers, Heat Miser and Snow Miser, are big ole musical theatre queens. It may come as no surprise that the word for the day on Pee-Wee’s Playhouse Christmas Special should have been expanded to a full sentence, as in “bend over and take all that gay in!” Aaah! Now for the rest of the day whenever anyone says the secret phrase – which you know you will undoubtedly hear at some point this Holiday season – just scream real loud…into a pillow.

Ok, with those known facts that I have taken my own brand of liberties to…may I present to you some ideas for new and wonderful specials, with that Gaywatch touch, that have been kicking around my egg-noggin? Oh really, does creativity frighten you? Put it on your wish list of things to ask Santa for, and quit your griping already!

Variety is the spice of life
Every once in awhile we are, well, I guess “treated” could be the right word to use in conjunction to some of the rather interesting choices that have sprung up as variety specials, like The Star Wars Holiday Special, or A Solid Gold Christmas 1982…let the spandex and Christmas spirit fingers commence.

And just this past Turkey Day there was A Very Gaga Thanksgiving. Yes, when I think of that holiday, my mind naturally turns to Gaga, if only to wonder if she had made a dress out of her leftovers.

Anyhoo, check your local made-up listings for this sure-to-please special, Ricky Martin: The Fortunate Homosexual Man, which takes its inspiration from The Little Drummer Boy, but has the Latin crooner trying to make Christmas miracle believers out of a group of disheartened drag queens.
When he sings “come they told me, shake your bon bon. Shall I sing for him, shake your bon bon bon bon bon” you will believe that a Fortunate Homosexual Man can fly, err, polarize a community with his Holiday spirit. Tear. Sniffle.

The Real Housewives: Holidays on Spite is a first for Bravo, and no, that’s not because they have decided not to rerun the hell out of it, ok? Rather this one-hour special will feature every current R.H. and harkens back to the days of roller derby, but there’s one slight change…they will pull wigs, call names and cackle like hens at each other on the ice. But there is no face smashing, especially for the ladies of Beverly Hills. There’s so much filler and botox in their mugs, perhaps they wouldn’t even feel it, well, they would if one of them gets tackled by Atlanta’s NeNe Leakes.

CBS’ Oy Gay may be hosted by its two openly gay actors, Neil Patrick Harris and Jim Parsons, but the real stars of the show are Adam Lambert and Harvey Fierstein who sing Stephen Sondheim tunes that receive musical accompaniment by Dave Koz; while their sketches about those 8 days and nights are written by Bruce Vilanch with directors Todd Haynes and Brian Singer handling the filming. Yes, they are all Jewish, its called reading and it’s fundamental!
Not to be outdone, Fox will be airing A Hanukkah Bush With All The Trimmings starring the sapph-tastic Sandra Bernhard.

Reunited and it feels so good

Much like the awe-inspiring A Very Brady Christmas that aired in 1988, a former TV favorite is coming back to the tube for an one-off telepic.
Why its Queer As Folk: Don We Now Our Assless Chaps, which has the boys back for more good times, and explaining the meaning of Christmas, in the back room of their new leather bar hangout, Crisco Dan’s.

Animation Domination

Two of Tinsel Town’s most troubled souls, Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan, are finding gainful employment with an animated flair.
First up is The Playboy Channel’s first ever cartoon venture, wistfully titled Charlie Sheen’s Winter Wonderland that follows a Christmas day in the life of ole Chuckles, as he and his goddesses do mass amounts of cocaine, and maybe he’ll get into a knife fight with ex Brooke Mueller. Good times.

Over on Public Access Cable, Lindsay will capitalize of her two big 2011 ventures, failure and disappointment, with I’ll Be Under House Arrest For Christmas. The beleaguered “actress” – you have to be in a movie to be that – will be transformed into a claymation version of herself (think Gollum from Lord of the Rings) and will attempt to hawk herself to the highest bidder; like that Beezid.com commercial she did during her earlier house arrest this year. This time around special guests such as her dad and Samantha Ronson, drop by – the latter to serve her with a restraining order. Sponsored in part by Clamato.

I’ll Take CD’s and Songs For $100

Seeing as Justin Bieber is capitalizing on his teen idol popularity with his Xmas album (tick tock, those 15 minutes have got to be almost up, right?), a number of artists who appeal to that particular demographic and gay men alike – sure, those are wholly separate things – are peopling iTunes with their own brand of holiday cheer.

There’s Katy Perry: Back To Bethlehem, on which the “The One That Got Away” singer goes back to her Christian Rock roots and real last name of Hudson, and belts out the album’s biggest hit, her rendition of the Tammy Wynette classic, “Let’s Put Christ Back In Christmas.”

NKOTBBSBNSBNWJT is a boy band extraordinaire venture of combining New Kids on the Block, Backstreet Boys and ’N Sync But Not With Justin Timberlake as they represent, via song, all of the December Holidays with their hit single, “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmaskkahzaa.”

The Stockings Were Hung features your favorite well-endowed porn stars of the past and present, from Jeff Stryker to Michael Lucas, as they do their own spoken word poems set to porn music composed by Barry Manilow. This total package deal – really, you didn’t see that one coming – includes a DVD, and a pop up book.

Cut. Print. That’s A Wrap!

Wow, you really can’t take me anywhere, and yes, I’ll probably burn in Hell for putting these visions of sugar plum, uh, fairies in your head. And I am sure that Barbra Streisand’s version of “Jingle Bells” will be playing on an endless loop there, much to my horror. What, is my gay card on fire? Nope, the heat I feel is from the seventh layer reaching out to me. Until next time, that’s all of the news that’s fit to print.

Barbara Eden blinked her way into the hearts of TV goers from 1965 to 1970 as the iconic star of “I Dream of Jeannie,” along with her master Major Anthony Nelson (Larry Hagman), Major Roger Healey (Bill Daily), and the perpetually confused Dr. Alfred Bellows (Hayden Rorke).
For 139 episodes, Eden and company would conjure up a magical TV viewing experience, each and every week and was the epitome of escapist fare, as the real world was in the midst of Vietnam, race riots and the burgeoning counter culture revolution.

For gay and lesbian audiences, the show resonated, not only because of the likeability factor of its star, but because at that time in history we could relate with being kept a secret and hiding away from the world-at-large. If only our closets were as finely decorated as Jeannie’s bottle.

Since the series went off the air in 1970, it has constantly been in reruns, and its actors went off to embody other characters, such as “Harper Valley P.T.A.’s” Stella Johnson for Eden, J.R. Ewing of “Dallas” fame for Hagman and Daily’s turn as Howard Borden on “The Bob Newhart Show.”
Fans who still were dreaming of seeing Eden don her harem outfit and putting her hair into a ponytail once again were given the chance to catch up with two TV reunion movies, “I Dream of Jeannie: 15 Years Later” in 1985 and 1991’s “I Still Dream of Jeannie.” Albeit, without Hagman who was busy being the opposite of his “Jeannie” role as the dastardly love-to-hate-him J.R., however, fans of the show were treated to a reunion between Hagman and Eden when they acted opposite one another on “Dallas” in 1990.
The 76-year-old actress recently put pen to paper to write her memoirs, “Jeannie Out of the Bottle,” which chronicles her life on and off the screen.
In celebration of this momentous occasion, The Castro Theatre will be the site of a gala tribute to the 1951 former Miss San Francisco, as “I Dream of Barbara Eden” will feature a noon screening of “7 Faces of Dr. Lao,” and then at 8 pm, there will be performances by The Garden of Eden Belly Dancing Superstars and Arturo Galster belting out “Harper Valley P.T.A,” and there’s even a Jeannie Look-A-Like Contest.
How could Sunday, July 10 get any dreamier, you may ask? Well, how about an appearance by the lady herself with Eden slated to do an onstage interview, as well as signing copies of “Jeannie Out of the Bottle” in the Castro Mezzanine.
I had the dream come true experience of interviewing Eden, and it should come as no surprise that she is as wonderful as her television counterpart.

Quite A Character 

TPMH: What was your favorite aspect of playing Jeannie?
Barbara Eden: Well, I guess I liked her; that was the best thing. I loved working with Larry, Bill Daily, Hayden Rorke, and of course, Sidney Sheldon. It was just a really wonderful time in my life, and I enjoyed the whole experience.

TPMH: Obviously, your character was magical, but was she based on anyone you knew?
Barbara Eden: Oh my, she was based on a million people I knew, well not a million, really. She was based on animals (laughs), people and things; working on her character was culled from lots of my past experiences. Women, of course, that I knew; dogs that I knew and loved, little birds and their expressions. She was so open, and only animals are really that open.

TPMH: Did you have any say in the direction of the show, in particular, the marriage between Tony and Jeannie?
Barbara Eden: No, we weren’t happy with that at all, and we were right. Just the whole idea of the show went down the drain, it was ridiculous. He was a human, she was an entity, and he knew she was an entity, he knew he was human, but she didn’t know the boundaries at all. And that is what made it funny; that was the comedic center to the show, and to marry them for goodness sakes; we’re back to, “Honey, I’m home!”
Having had said that, I loved the episode that we did; she was a robot who couldn’t be photographed (laughs).

TPMH: And how fun was it for you to play her evil sister Jeannie II?
Barbara Eden: Oh, darling I loved her (she answered as the character)! She took care of that little wimp, she had no boundaries. It was refreshing for me.

TPMH: Aside from “Jeannie,” has there been a film or TV role that you absolutely loved playing?
Barbara Eden: I’ve had several that I loved; it’s hard to pick one out. There was a TV movie called “Your Mother Wore Combat Boots,” and it’s kind of fun and I really enjoyed doing that. And then of course “The Vision Of Murder” movies, I enjoyed those because it was a departure from anything I had done.
I loved the “7 Faces of Dr. Lao,” both of the movies that I did with George Pal, including “The Wonderful World of the Brothers Grimm.”
And, the Irwin Allen movies, I enjoyed working with him; he was a character! He wouldn’t say action, he had a gun and he’d shoot it up in the air (laughs). God I hope they were blanks! But, Peter Lorre, every time he’d jump ten feet and swear.
Oh, Stella Johnson in “Harper Valley P.T.A.,” I loved doing the movie, because it was so successful; the movie made a lot of money for the people who backed it. It was a very small film, but it surprised everyone. I was sad that the TV show was only for one season.

Hot Belly Button Topic

TPMH: What did you make of not being able to show your belly button in primetime?
Barbara Eden: Oh, it didn’t mean a thing to me; I really didn’t care one way or the other, the whole thing was a hoot when it happened! It was just an accident about the belly button thing.
There was a writer from “The Hollywood Reporter,” and his name was Mike Connolly, and he’d come on the set and he was just teasing me he’d say, “I don’t believe you have one!” And I’d say, “Nickel a peek,” and it was just a joke and he wrote about it, then the stringers across the country started picking up on it and writing about it again and again and again. It snowballed, and finally, George Schlatter, who was producing “Laugh-In” at the time, went to NBC and said he would like to premiere my navel on “Laugh-In.”
And, George told me in later years, “I walked into this meeting and I have never seen so many suits sitting around an oak conference table talking about your belly button.” He said it was the silliest thing he had ever seen, and of course they said no. Then it really became the cause célèbre, and I was just an outsider looking on that whole thing and giggling.

EDGE: Are you still in contact with Larry Hagman?
Barbara Eden: Yes, well we just came back from Australia together – Larry, Bill Daily and I. And I loved working with him on “Dallas,” I got him good and bankrupted him.

“Jeannie Out of the Bottle”

TPMH: What was the experience like of writing your new book?
Barbara Eden: It was very, very difficult for me; it took me a long time to be persuaded to do it. Mainly I did it because I met Wendy Leigh, who really did the tough work of organizing all my thoughts and experiences. I met her and I decided that we would work well together, and we did; she’s just great.
So, that’s what really persuaded me to do it, otherwise it’s not easy to tell people everything honestly about your life. And, if you’re going to write your memoirs, you know you may as well be honest about it and tell people about everything.
And I’m glad I did and I hope that some parts of it help people; everyone’s life has challenges, has a roller coaster quality about it, but as long as you know that the roller coaster comes up, as well as comes down, you’ll have a happy life.

TPMH: What is your favorite aspect of your life and career that were happy to share with readers in the book?
Barbara Eden: I really enjoyed sharing the early beginnings with people in the book, a lot of people don’t know about that, San Francisco, and down to L.A. to the Hollywood Studio Club, and working with some fine actors. I enjoyed telling people about that.

Welcome Home 

TPMH: It sounds like the Castro Theatre event is going all out to honor you, what are you looking most forward to at the event?
Barbara Eden: I think Marc Huestis does a wonderful job with whomever he is honoring, it’s just very exciting and I’m looking forward to it. I’m looking forward to the fun the most, and I always like the Q&A, I enjoy talking to people.

TPMH: And how does it feel to be getting this type of homecoming?
Barbara Eden: It’s lovely; I haven’t ever had one. I’ve worked in San Francisco when I did my “Visions Of Murder” movies, we filmed there, but I guess no one really knew I was there when we were shooting. So this makes me feel good.

TPMH: Why do you think the show has resonated with a core gay and lesbian audience?
Barbara Eden: Well I didn’t know it did. Really? It just seems to be universal; it’s never been off the air all over the world. I just had never thought of a certain group liking it more than others, but that’s wonderful to know.

Enduring Beauty And Long Lasting Appeal

TPMH: You look fantastic…what are your beauty secrets?
Barbara Eden: My goodness, well thank you. I try to stay healthy and happy; I think that’s the most important thing. I do the spinning bicycle classes three times a week, when I’m not working, and I work with a trainer with weights.
So, that’s mostly to keep me healthy, not to build muscles or do anything like that. You sweat a lot and you feel like you’ve done something (laughs).

TPMH: What do you attribute “I Dream of Jeannie’s” long lasting appeal to?
Barbara Eden: I think one of the things is that it’s not as dated as other shows, because we are all in uniform. And also, the space program is still highly relevant today, and you take something so technical, like the space program, and put fantasy next to it, meld it in the recipe; it’s fun because it’s fantasy and something that’s really going on that’s awe inspiring at the same time.
I think that makes for some good viewing.

Take Our Poll  

This interview was first published on Edge Media’s websites

Well, the Fall TV season is in full swing and some of the shows have already been strung up in a hangman’s noose, but they haven’t left viewers twisting in the wind about their ability to hold us enraptured. It has truly been a case of survival of the fittest, and some series have been gone in the blink of an eye.

Almost as fast as Kim Kardashian’s and Kris Humphries’ marriage – it’s a good thing you didn’t change your surname name, gurl. Hopefully, E! can stopped rerunning its favorite four-hour time-killer special about Kim’s “Fairytale Wedding.” Oh, really? Well, she did marry a slow-on-the-draw giant, who will also be featured on the upcoming Kourtney and Kim Take New York that airs in November…awkward!
Which was also the case concerning the “Charlie’s Angels” reboot, it was just a big steaming pile of brown expletive and not something one would want to cop to watching… or to kick it old school and quote Blaine Edwards (Damon Wayans) and Antoine Merriweather (David Alan Grier) of the “Men On” sketches on “In Living Color”…“Hated it!” Hey wait, I am not too far off the mark with my usage of said saying, as Fox is planning on bringing the sketch comedy show back for two mid-season specials. So there, and you’re welcome!

Wow, this intro could serve as a “The More You Know” PSA! Speaking of being in the know, perhaps you’ll find a show that, ahem, makes the grade to claim as a newfound favorite, if it isn’t already.

Girls, Girls, Girls

Fox’s “New Girl” stars Zooey Deschanel (bless you) as the titular estrogen-based life form, who moves in with three guys she meets on craigslist after a bad breakup. Hmm, sounds like somebody may have been a gay man in a previous life.
As Jess, Deschanel puts the q in…quirky – what did you think I was gonna say? – and offers viewers a sort of modern day “Mary Tyler Moore Show.” Albeit she doesn’t have to make on her own, as she has the aforementioned roomies played by Jake M. Johnson, Lamorne Morris and Max Greenfield – who has played gay in previous roles on “Greek” and “Happy Endings,” and is playing it straight here, often times shirtless…now, where was I?

And these boys have a locker room-esque bathroom, which kinda resembles a bathhouse bathroom, which I heard about from “other kids.” Oh, and she has a sassy best friend in Hannah Simone’s CeCe character. I’ll let them hash out as to who’s the Mary and who’s the Rhoda, much like Romy and Michele did for their High School Reunion, ok?
Grade: A, as in A good time had by All. Get it? Because it’s receiving an A…yeah, jokes aren’t funny when you have to explain them.

“2 Broke Girls” has the gay street credibility of having Michael Patrick King as one of its creators on its side. You may be familiar with his name as being the executive producer and writer and director of “Sex and the City” in its small and big screen incarnations. So, if you aren’t still mad at him for the sequel, you can check out the under funded twosome on CBS.
The two leads (Kat Dennings and Beth Behrs) are trying to make ends meet by being waitresses and sharing an apartment together. So, it’s a pretty safe bet that our Sapphic sisters are tuning in to see the old sitcom standby of, “Will they or won’t they?” And, I’ll bet many a gay man has been certain that Behrs’ character is named Carol Channing, as opposed to Caroline Channing. We hear what we want to hear, apparently.

Grade: C, for Coolidge. No, that’s not the latest urban-type slang word meaning “great,” it is to be used in the context of actress Jennifer Coolidge (Best in Show, Legally Blonde and American Pie)…actually great would apply to this hilarious comedienne, which should translate well to her recurring role as Sophie, a neighbor of the broke ass ladies.

Wagon Training

Three of my absolute new favorite shows, “Ringer,” “Revenge” and “American Horror Story” on The CW, ABC and FX respectively, makes me wonder if they will get beyond their first season premises and avoid the pitfalls of this quote from 1986’s Stand By Me: “’Wagon Train’s’ a really cool show, but do you ever notice they don’t really get anywhere? They just keep wagon-training.” Word, and “AHS” has already been picked up for a second season.

I really hope that Emily Thorne (Emily VanCamp) and her quest to seek “Revenge” – oh, now I get it – on Madeline Stowe’s Victoria Grayson and her TV husband Conrad (AKA Henry Czerny – geez, these actors last names really get my allergies going) and everyone in their Hamptons circle can make for an equally intriguing second season.
Grade B: B is for Boys, as this show has a lot of cute ones on it, including: Connor Paolo, Nick Weschler, Ashton Holmes and especially Joshua Bowman as Daniel Grayson. Apparently revenge is a dish best served hot, mmmkay.

While “Ringer” doesn’t have the guy quotient going for it, the series does feature gay fave Sarah Michelle Gellar and a former cast mate from “Lost” (Nestor Carbonell) that has a penchant for guy liner. It also features Gellar as twins, and her Bridget Kelly character has taken on more than her fair share of covering the fact that her sister Siobhan has “committed suicide” during a “boat ride.” Those who have seen the pilot know what I mean. Grade: A for its ability to temporarily make me suspend my belief.

No, I will not be applauding the creative efforts (and badly done execution) of ABC’s “Once Upon A Time,” or that other fairy tale show “Grimm” on NBC, as they would receive a D. Nope, that’s not for dandy, but for didn’t grab my interest enough.
However, there is a very well done, and very scary addition to my already jam packed viewing schedule in “American Horror Story.” And that would be “Glee” creators Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk’s latest foray into turning the TV set on their collective heads.
Albeit, it’s much more frightening than their musical comedy’s undying love for all things show tunes this season – I’m gay, but not that gay – and it delivers on its MA content being rightfully deserved. It’s almost like a hybrid of “The X-Files” meets “Twin Peaks,” but stands on its own merit in its depiction of The Murder House and its haunting history.
And good for Jessica Lange, who plays the very odd neighbor Constance, for not having plastic surgery and aging naturally. She’s no Jo-Jo-Joker Face, to paraphrase Lady Gaga. I have loved this particular actress ever since I saw her in 1976′s King Kong. What do you want, I was 7!

Grade: D for Dylan McDermott’s nude scenes in the first episode, as was further illustrated during his special “alone time.”

Cut. Print. That’s a Wrap!

Phew, those endless hours spent ruining my eyes have hopefully paid off in informing you of what shows you should be watching. How I suffer for my art. And, yes, I took some liberties in my grading curve, as I would term these shows as prime grade A television. Hey, I forgot another good one “Suburgatory” on ABC, so check it out. Until next time, that’s all of the news that’s fit to print.

Gaywatch: Why I won’t be cutting “Footloose” again

By Tim Parks

Oh, don’t even get me started on the “Footloose” remake! Or rather, please do, and there’s no need to poke me with a stick to prod me, I am always good to go. On second thought, that sounds dirty, and there’s a clear cut example of why my mind is unable to survive outside of the gutter; I am to inappropriate what Charlie Sheen is to being an upright citizen. Ok, enough with a SAT self diagnosis, we’ve got business to get down to, as in cutting loose, everybody cut “Footloose,” if you will. Or, in my case, I am going to tear it a new… I am sure that you understand my inference. Wow! A big 50 cent word.

Redo It For Me One More Time?

On paper, the redo sounds more like it will cut the cheese (“winning!), than cutting anything else. I mean both Zac Efron and Chace Crawford turned down the chance to take on Kevin Bacon, which was (for once) a good choice for those thespians. Show of hands, who went to a theater and saw either “Charlie St. Cloud” or “Twelve?” Oh, you are sooo lying .

Ok, let’s back up…I meant the chance for those actors to tackle the iconic 1984 role of Ren McCormack that had Kevin shakin’, well, his Bacon, all set against the backdrop of a small town where dancing and music were a big no-no. Really? Last time I checked it was 2011 and we lived in the age of the worldwide web, where you can download this thing known as music.

Now, Kenny Wormald is Ren (no ya ain’t) and his surname just trips off the tongue, doesn’t it? While Julianne Hough, you know Ryan Seacrest’s “girlfriend” (as in she’s a girl and she’s his friend, to paraphrase Jon Cryer in “Pretty in Pink”) is the “new” Lori Singer as the spitfire preacher’s daughter Ariel Moore. What, was the old one busy? Nope, unless you count career obscurity as a full-time job (see I can give and take, but we won’t go there) And, I am so on board with that bit of casting (rolling of eyes). She should stick to her Proactiv commercials – I wonder, does that not only help acne, but also remove facial hair, like beards? Oh yes, I did.

On the subject of the fictional family tree, Dennis Quaid plays Reverend Shaw Moore (previously portrayed by John Lithgow). Dennis, if I may address you informally and give you a wee bit of career advice? You needn’t take every single role they throw your way; you’re sliding into the Samuel L. Jackson I’ll-do-it-for-the-mortgage-payment school of acting. You’re better than that, and certainly more memorable in “Far From Heaven” than you’ve been in about the last few years of your career. There, now don’t you feel better, I know I do, and, really that’s all that counts in the end.

Andie MacDowell will portray his wife Vi Moore (in place of the incomparable Dianne Wiest). Funny, ole Andie doesn’t look old enough to have a 23-year-old daughter, which is Hough’s real age. Oops, I meant a daughter in high school ,whatever. At least that’s what her L’Oreal “age defying” commercials would have us believe – I’m sure she hasn’t had any work done to her face. No. Really. I’m. Totally. Serious. You can Google her name and see for yourselves what the first item that pops up about her, it rhymes with spastic perjury; I’m just sayin’.

And poor , poor Ziah Colon (hope it’s pronounced Cologne) is stepping into the pre-Manolo Blahniks first walked in by Sarah Jessica Parker as Rusty, and may have marked the first time that SJP uttered the word “fabulous” onscreen. Good luck, new girl, good luck.

Yes, the movie will retain some famous scenes, including the tough-guys-do-dance-while-blowing-off-steam scene in the mill (so butch) that was a standout in the original. But…how will a chicken fight with school buses work, rather than the tractors in the original? Not very well is my guess. And the 2011 model Ren will still drive the crappy yellow VW, just like Bacon did, (ha ha).

But, a bigger question begs to be asked – will there be the underlying sexual tension that Bacon shared with late actor Chris Penn’s Willard character? “Let’s Hear It For The Boyfriends,” was more like it. See this for confirmation of that last statement…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KN2tw9Bs9uA  Although the scene with Ren’s first day of school, when they meet in the hall and Ren’s eyes roam run up and down Willard’s, um, presence, was a tip off, too.   

Will there be any spark between new Willard, Miles Teller, and Wormald? It’s not like it’s going to save the movie or anything. And, you know Mr. Wormald, they change names in Hollywood all the time! Just ask your co-star Ms. Colon, or not, as the case may be.

Not Music To My Queer Ears

Which brings us to the soundtrack with Blake Shelton belting out the title track, as sure as he likes to belt back the cocktails, since Kenny Loggins was “unavailable” to reprise his version (see previous Lori Singer comment). If that weren’t exciting enough, the soundtrack has a stable of “well-known musical artists,” such as Jana Kramer (?) and Ella Mae Brown (??) who will literally cover “Let’s Hear It For The Boy” and “Holding Out For A Hero,” respectively. Oh, and there’s a bunch of new songs for us to, what’s the word? Enjoy? Sure, I’ll go with that in the case of tracks like “Little Lovin’” by Lissie. What no “Dancing In The Sheets” ala Shalamar, circa the like, totally awesome 1984 soundtrack? Wait that’s a good thing.

Anyhoo, shame on you, new “Footloose” soundtrack, shame. Couldn’t they cough up some extra coin for Katy Perry or someone we’ve actually heard of, at the very least? What’s that you say? They actually roped Cee Lo Green into partaking, I have a feeling he’ll be saying the dirtier version of “Forget You” to that choice.

Cut. Print. That’s A Wrap!

Look, I am not trying to come off like some old guy, with a garden hose at-the-ready and a shout of “Hey, you kids, get off my lawn!” Although I realize that 42 is ancient in gay years, at least that’s what Internet websites have taught me over the years.

But, I digress (no!)…it’s just that sometimes, some things, say, like remaking “Footloose,” as a for instance (really, no, seriously!), are just better left alone. I just have fond memories of the original, for a multitude of reasons over the years; first and foremost that as a gay teen I could inspire some Podunk town to free themselves from their repressive shackles by dancing in a decorated mill. I would have spearheaded the committee of with a battle cry of “We need more glitter,” naturally. Or I just really love the first one, and what will most likely be, the better of the great “Footloose” debate. I have a feeling the new one could do well enough, but will suck regardless (wish I knew how to form an opinion, sigh).

And, take note, all of you Tinsel Town Types (say that three times fast!) don’t even think of toying with an update of “Grease,” ok? Alright, I need to sign off and go water my lawn…hey wait a second! Oh well, you’ve been duly warned kids. Until next time, that’s all of the news that’s fit to print.

By Tim Parks

Viewers of “Sam The Cooking Guy” are well-versed in his everyman approach to all things culinary, with nary an air of pretension in his presentation, or a need to send his audience off on a wild scavenger hunt when it comes to items he uses in his recipes.

But, Zien didn’t intend to become “The Cooking Guy.” In fact, he was subscribed to keep working his job at a drug development company and firing up his grill for the occasional family BBQ.

However, he did end up quitting his job after a trip to Tokyo saw him return with an idea for television, as he explained to me.

“It wasn’t supposed to be a cooking show in the beginning,” he said. “It was supposed to be a travel show; it was sadly derailed by the events of 9/11. I had a crew lined up and we were going to shoot some demo kind of stuff and come back and try to turn it into something. Then 9/11 happened and it changed a lot of things for a lot of people.

“For me, it just changed the fact that there was a very good chance that no one was going to buy a travel show September 12th on of that year; especially from somebody that had very little travel experience, and absolutely no TV experience,” Zien recanted. “The concept for the travel show was regular guy shows you how to go someplace that you normally wouldn’t think you could go.”

Then Zien posed a question to himself of “What if it wasn’t travel, but something else I could be encouraging with?” And, out of that internal query came the answer.

“Cooking came out of it, not because I was a chef or a cook; I wasn’t,” he said. “I did very little cooking around the house, my wife really did most of it. I did the grilling because I felt like that was my responsibility. I know I fucked up more food on the grill than I actually turned out right.”

Undeterred by his relative inexperience and armed with an attitude of “If I can make it with my limited skills, anybody could make it,” Zien made a demo tape, which he admits was “pretty bad,” and sent it out without having any showbiz connections.

“It was me doing it by myself; pushing to have someone get a sense of what my stuff was and what it could be,” he said. “And that’s where it’s got to come from; it’s got to come from you.”

Unfortunately, some industry experts who received his demo weren’t getting the sense of what he was trying to accomplish, and he was told he “didn’t stand a fucking chance” from one.

Now armed with 12 Emmys under his belt, Zien does have something to say to his early detractors.

“I just say what makes them think that they know every thing? I don’t know everything, they can’t know everything – Oprah’s the closest we’ve got to someone knowing everything.”

As for the aforementioned statuettes, he said that being the recipient of one shy of a baker’s dozen is “pretty cool.”

“Of course you want love and acceptance from your peers, which is a nice thing,” Zien said. “But really what you want is people coming up to you on the street saying, ‘Hey, we made that buffalo chicken pizza the other night, we loved it, and you know what? We don’t cook, and now we feel that we can cook.’ That’s what I like.”

It’s that humble approach, along with his “big in taste and small in effort” approach to teaching TV viewers how to streamline the cooking process, which led to him being featured on a local morning news show twice a week, prior to his current gig.

Also, having a sense of humor intact is another way to set himself apart from other TV chefs.

“Absolutely, and I think it’s a couple of things,” Zien professed. “I’m not trying to be funny; I’m just being me. I think that’s really the key for anything you do. I made a joke once that I’m not very bright, so me having to remember what my TV persona is and when to use it, and what my social persona is and when to use it; I don’t have to keep those two things separate anymore.

“In the beginning, I think I was trying to be what my vision of what a cooking person on TV was. It took about six months, but I eventually found my voice and now I can’t shut myself up.”

Speaking of shutting up, or rather a “please, can I talk,” Zien made somewhat of a stir (yes, that pun was intended) when he objected to Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb talking over him when he went on “The Today Show” for a cooking segment, and was then brought back on a few weeks later with the show’s etiquette expert to hash out the on-air squabble.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ov9k_yABNHU

“Here’s the thing that I feel about Kathie Lee Gifford,” he explained. “I don’t think she was trying to be anything; that’s just who she is. And, whether you like it or not, I think you kind of have to appreciate somebody who is themselves.

“It was more awkward the second time than it was the first time,” Zien said. “The second time, if you notice she puts her fingers underneath my armpits and said, ‘Are you sweating? Are we making you nervous?’ Holy crap! Was she kidding with that?! Well, look at what they do, they have different names for their days – Wednesday is ‘Winesday.’ But it is what it is, and when I go back now, I don’t go back to Kathie Lee and Hoda, I go back to Al Roker and the others.”

Or, Zien can literally just stay home in San Diego and film another episode of his show, and he gave us his recipe for the show’s success.

“I think I have the ability to put things into plain, simple English,” he remarked. “And in this case, it happens to be cooking. I like to look at something and say, ‘What’s the easiest way that I can do this?’”

Zien will be showing people the easy way around the kitchen with his appearance at the San Diego Bay Wine & Food Festival, which is happening from November 17-21st, and he shared his favorite aspect of the event.

“I love the fact of being able to walk around and try a whole bunch of different things all in one spot,” he replied. “My favorite way to eat when I go to a restaurant; I would rather have three appetizers than a giant pork chop and a bucket of mashed potatoes, but the point is you can get little bites from a whole lot of places. Plus, there’s all kinds of great wines to try.”

Another off-shoot of his TV show is Zien taking pen to paper, and fingers to keyboard, on a series of cookbooks, with his third, Just Grill This, due out next year. He let us in on how he researches the “unconventional ideas” that become recipes for both his books and his show.

“I think my brain just works unconventionally at times,” he admitted. “It’s not like I’m researching unconventional stuff; it’s just kind of the way that things go into my head. It’s not relegated to the kitchen; I like to take cauliflower, the whole head of it cut thick in slices, and put that whole thing right on the grill.”

While Zien has found his own way as a TV chef, he did admit that “plenty of chefs could kick my ass all over a kitchen,” and cited two that have informed his own television persona.

“I credit Graham Kerr and Julia Child for some subliminal influencing of my life, even though I didn’t realize it at the time.” he stated. “If you go back to the early days of Graham Kerr, he was completely him and not trying to be anybody else. Julia Child, if she made a mistake, she talked about the mistake; if something fell apart in the show, she fixed it and would continue to go on.

“Now skip to ‘Sam The Cooking Guy;’ I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cut myself on the show and left it in,” he said. “I finished a show one day, and this will probably lose me viewers, with a bunch of wadded up paper towels in my left hand, because I had cut myself so badly. It wasn’t the prettiest television, but hey, it was me.”

For more information about Sam The Cooking Guy, log onto thecookingguy.com. And to purchase tickets for The San Diego Bay Wine & Food Festival, type worldofwineevents.com into your favorite search engine.

Sidebar: What Five Items Do You Always Have in Your Refrigerator or Freezer?

Frozen Shrimp

Kewpie Japanese Mayo

Black Bean Garlic Sauce

Greek Non-Fat Yogurt

Pesto

Kandi Burruss: Putting The Real in the Housewives Franchise

By Tim Parks

Fans of Bravo’s “Real Housewives” franchise have become involved with the ladies that populate the various cities in which they reside, in effect inviting us into their lives, and homes, on a weekly basis.

With six incarnations of the wildly popular reality series, which first began with the Orange County edition, there are many choices as to which Housewives stand out for viewers.

And no one quite represents the “Real” portion of the series’ title the way that Atlanta’s Kandi Burruss does. She says what she means and means what she says, and is a text book example of what you see is what you get, as she told me.

“When I joined the show, it wasn’t like an idea of, ‘I want to get on this show!’ They approached me about doing it, and I was like, ‘O.k. that sounds like fun.’ And I still approach it like it’s just something to do; I don’t take it seriously. I’m not going to go out of my way to fake something for them. Hopefully, you can find something in my life interesting enough, and if not, oh well.”

Trust me, there’s plenty to find interesting about the single mother, who aside from being a music mogul and reality TV star, also owns the Atlanta-based boutique T.A.G.S., as well as being a sexpert on her Internet talkshow Kandi Koated Nights.

Well before she was a TV fixture, Burruss had carved out another entertainment niche for herself, namely music, beginning with her time as a member of the successful ’90s girl group Xscape. After the group broke up, Burruss turned her focus onto the behind-the-scenes aspect of music making as a producer and songwriter.

She penned “No Scrubs” for TLC, “Bills, Bills, Bills” and “Bug A Boo” for Destiny’s Child, “There You Go” for Pink and wrote tunes for the likes of Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston, as well.

Her knack for songwriting brought her acclaim and awards, including a Grammy for “No Scrubs” and she was the first African-American woman to win the coveted ASCAP “Songwriter of the Year” award in 2000.

Her debut solo CD, Hey Kandi, dropped that same year. Yet, it would be almost ten years before she was ready to step back behind the mic again for her new album Kandi Koated, as she explained.

“Well, I’ve been wanting to do another album for years now,” Burruss said. “But different things kept coming up, interfering with it. I know after my first album, I was disappointed with the fact that it didn’t do as well as I wanted it to. At first, I had an attitude of ‘Well, forget it. I’ll just stay behind-the-scenes.’”

She admitted that she had that frame-of-mind for “about a year,” before she snapped out of it and got her proverbial ducks in a row with new management, who would help her “shop a deal.” Then Burruss discovered she was pregnant with her daughter Riley, and after a few years had passed “the reception wasn’t the same” within the music industry.

“I became known so much as just being a songwriter,” she professed. “When people were hearing my songs, they were like, ‘Ooh I love the song! But can I get it for my other artist?’ Things just kept not coming together like I wanted them to. I was like, ‘Forget it, I’ll just put the project out myself,’ and when that happened I was on the show.”

Kandi Koated definitely highlights the point that Burruss can stand front-and-center as a soulful chanteuse on tracks, such as the lead single “Leave U,” “I Want You,” “Haven’t Loved Right” and “I Fly Above.” She cited “Leroy Jones” as the song that means the most to her on a personal level.

“I wrote it about my step-dad, because I wanted to do a song about a positive male role model,” Burruss explained. “People are always trying to say that I like writing male bashing songs, which is not true. I’m dating again, and I need a man who not only loves me, but is capable of loving my daughter like she’s his own child. And that’s what my step-dad was for me, so I did that song for him.”

Relationships are literally at the heart of the 15 songs that make up Kandi Koated, which occurred naturally, as far as the songwriting process went for Burruss.

“It was organic; it just happened that way,” she stated. “I had a lot of songs on this album that were inspired by relationships that I’d either been in, in the past, or the people that I’m meeting now. I clearly wrote the songs from a perspective of real life situations.

“For instance, ‘I Want You’ is from when I met this guy and he’s really, really cool. And, we started out as working friends; eventually one day he said, ‘I don’t want to play games, I’m feeling you, I hope you feel the same way.’ So, everything he said to me in that conversation I put in as the lyrics in the song. You’re listening to a real conversation.”

Speaking of conversations…there has been plenty of chatter regarding her providing castmate Kim Zolciak with services rendered as the songwriter/producer for the hit single, “Tardy for the Party.” Burruss was kind enough to set the record straight.

“Basically what happened was that we did the song, and gave it to her to put up on iTunes,” she described. “We were going to split the royalties from the song three ways, the only thing we filed was the split sheet for our publishing royalties; we didn’t do a producer agreement. Instead of her paying us a producer fee, or any of those types of things, it was real cut and dry.

“When she got the first check, she split it three ways, which was a $30,000-something check, and $10,000 or whatever was what she gave to me,” Burruss confessed. “Then she came back to me and she had talked to her lawyer, who said she shouldn’t have to pay them a third of the whole check – you should just pay them a portion of the publishing royalties. She wanted her money back. But the way she came at me that day, we were at an autograph signing, and she was like, ‘I was so upset, my attorney said I shouldn’t be paying you a third of everything.’ She was being all dramatic, and at the same time, it threw me off because I was thinking, ‘Do you think I took advantage of you?’ So I got kind of offended, and when she asked me for her money back, I just gave it to her. I don’t want to fall out over money, it’s all good.”

Given that situation, inquiring minds wanted to know if she would be game to help any of the other Housewives produce a song, aside from gay househusband Lawrence Washington, whom she worked with on his “Closet Freak” track.

“Oh no, I’m not going to do it anymore,” she admitted. “Period, I’m done. I did it; I showed it could be done.”

Another thing that Burruss is showing can be done, is to talk candidly about sex on her weekly Internet talk show Kandi Koated Nights. She is stumped, as to why sex seems to still be such a verboten subject matter.

“I have no idea!” She exclaimed. “When they first showed Kandi Koated Nights on the show, I got a couple of people on the Bravo blogs that were like, ‘I cannot believe you! That is so un-classy of you and blah, blah, blah.’ Then I was seeing where the girls were saying [on "Housewives" after they appeared as guests on the talk show], ‘I mean, Kandi, I don’t know, sex is taboo.’

“I love the girls, don’t get me wrong, but some of them have worked in strip clubs before! It just seemed like a contradiction. I’m just very open and I like to have fun; I say whatever I say, and some people can handle it and some people can’t.”

On the aforementioned KKN, which featured her castmates, Burruss asked them what their “Freak Number” (how wild you get in the bedroom) was. But, we never got to find out hers…until now.

“I would say an 8,” she answered with little hesitation. “And the reason being is because I’m a very sexual person and very experimental. But there are certain things that I won’t do.”

There seems to be little that she hasn’t done, on a professional level, but there are other entertainment-based venues that she’d like to conquer, as well.

“I definitely want to write a book,” she stated. “And I definitely want to act, that’s something that I’ve always wanted to do. And, I love being behind-the-scenes, so I want to produce a couple of shows that I’m not necessarily on. So, that would be fun.”

To keep up with Kandi, log onto kandionline.com and to listen to her talk show on Wednesdays type kandikoatednight.com into your favorite search engine.